New Tanning Rules: Fat People Not Wanted

Published: 06th January 2009
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Tanning Beds have never been a favorite topic of mine because of the skin damage they can do. Today is different because I was alerted by our condo office crew that there was going to be a brand new Tanning Bed installed in the clubhouse. There are usually people lined up every night to submit their skin to the auspices of "Fake Baking". I could see the smiles on everyone's face knowing that this tanning bed was going to give them the ultimate tan.

In my extreme curiosity to see what all the fuss was about, I noticed a brand new sign that accompanied the Brand New tanning Bed. I tried hard to look away but my eyes were stuck. In the process of my brain soaking in all the words on the "Rules for Tanning Bed use" you could hear a an extreme sucking's not a pretty sound. I read every line item in the Rules for Tanning Bed Use. I started feeling authorized to be able to tan. It must have been my imagination but I felt a tan coming over me the more I still white as a diaper.

There it was, rule number 10: If you are 300 pounds or more it is not recommended that you use this product. I read it in black and white: If you're fat you can't use this machine. Where is the National Association for the Acceptance of Fat? I'm surprised they're not picking outside the headquarters of the manufacturer and calling all fat people to ban tanning as a national past time.

Airlines get hammered because they want their passengers to feel comfortable without having to push overflowing fat off of their arm rest. Car companies get sued because people are too fat to drive their own cars and they have accidents. You know restaurants are being banned for making their food taste too good. I still can't understand why fat people aren't starting class action law suits against this manufacturer. I demand congress hold a special session to find the culprits in this mess now that they've put this whole "steroids in baseball" thing to rest.

Maybe I'm over thinking this, maybe I don't realize that fat people don't use tanning beds, maybe, just maybe we'll find out just like congress did that no one really gives a crap, who tans and who doesn't tan and how much that "Tan" Bunny weighs.


Rocco Castellano is an internationally recognized extreme weight loss specialist, certified personal trainer (CPT) and the author of the internationally popular fitness program Lose 30 in Thirty. Go to to get 5 Free Fitness Products and your own Lose 30 in Thirty Starter Kit"

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